If you've seen this show before, you know the story line can be incredibly intense and disturbing. Going to bed after three intense episodes was less than easy last night. So in order to take my mind of things I started to think about upcoming events, projects, meetings, holidays, birthdays etc...At this point I'm trying the "bore myself to sleep" tactic.
I ended up thinking about March of Dimes since it's fast approaching which then quickly took me back three years. It's really bizarre how I can begin reliving a situation and time that is now clearly well behind me. Three years ago, I would have been recovering from having been sent to labor and delivery for the first time-yes we didn't just go once...we went twice. I remember trying to stay strong and make the call to Aaron that I was in labor, but I couldn't do it without crying. There were at least six people in the room at the time and the one nurse, Brittney, said she would make the call for me.
Once my family was all there, I remember how we were taking pictures before delivery smiling, you know trying to make this whole situation as normal and "picture perfect" as can be. While it was still too early for these babies to come, we couldn't help but feel lucky we had made it five more weeks. We knew as soon as the babies were born they would be in the NICU and we would have a new life to adjust to. We had been so hopeful and we were thankful for what time we had gained. Laying in bed though last night, I was panicked thinking about the events leading up to going to the delivery room that day. I remember the people, the doctors, and while I was oddly relaxed three years ago, my heart was racing lying in bed....
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| Our first trip to labor and delivery at 29 weeks |
After somehow managing to fall asleep last night, I woke up this morning with the kiddos wrapped all around my body getting morning snuggles. We headed down stairs, fed the dog, got snacks, and my oh so important cup of coffee. I sat down to do a little social media surfing and saw my "timehop." Here is what it said:
"3 years ago... I know it's because I'm in a rare situation and I'm extremely sensitive, but I find it really annoying when people wish their pregnancy away when we're just praying for one more day of development so our children don't have to be in the NICU any longer than they have to...Just enjoy it! I'm off my sensitive soap box now."
At this point, three years ago, my labor somehow stopped and I was back on the special care floor at Good Sam. My body was wrecked for being on a delivery table for two days and I could hardly stand to walk or take a shower. My first round of "delivery" took a toll on me and at this point I was frustrated people could complain about something I was praying so hard for.
I had a friend tell me not too long ago that there will always be people who have more than you and always people who will have less....My addition to this would be there is always someone who is experiencing a hardship worse than yours and someone who is "living the life." We sit on one end of these scales at some point in our life. Sometimes we have it all and sometimes we feel like we're loosing it all. There are times when tragedy strikes and we're thrown down into the darkest of days, and then there are times where we are high on life-nothing but blue skies.
Three years ago I knew my situation could have been worse...One day I was headed to my weekly Friday morning appointment "out" (which was actually only down a couple of floors) and the girl I usually see in the morning wasn't there lined up across from me in her wheel chair. She had come into the hospital a few weeks after me at 24 weeks. I watched her husband comfort her many times and I could read the pain and fear on her face. My first thought was panicked but then thought maybe there was a scheduling issue. I got a good checkup that Friday and as I w as being pushed in my wheel chair to the elevator, I saw the woman I had been wondering about. She wasn't in a wheel chair any more and her tummy was no longer in the shape of a small basketball. She had delivered a very young and weak baby who was now in the NICU and would be for a very long time....We spoke very briefly that day.....This is when I learned that there is always someone who is having a harder time.
So what's my point to all of this you may be wondering? As moms, we go through life changing events and now that we have children who are observing how we react or handle situations. Our attitude, reactions, words, and body language speak volumes to these little people who are trying to decipher the world around them. They are learning how to react to situations and they are learning it straight from us. Our "mommy-tudes" are life changing right now and it's important we demonstrate attitudes and behaviors that we want our children to learn from.
As a mom, before my kids were even born, I had to have a positive attitude. I knew added worry and stress could effect them-even though they were in my belly. The only voices they heard were me, the nurses, doctors and of course family and friends when they would come visit. Every day I was asked at least a dozen times if not more "how are you? how are you feeling?" Being asked this question so many times a day, I had a choice of whether my children were going to hear a doom and gloom story every single time or if they were going to hear a confident happy mom. I chose for my children to hear happiness in their mother's voice-NOT worry.
As a mom now, I don't hide my emotions from my children. When I'm sad, I show them it's okay to cry and that it takes time to heal. When I'm upset, I try my hardest to not get too loud and to use words that are productive and apart of a solution-not an addition to the problem. I want my children to learn how to manage their feelings when they are sad, angry, happy, and scared. I want to be supportive and at the end of whatever emotional rollercoaster they have been on, I want them to know that while their situation was tough, there are others who are suffering greater tragedies whom we should pray for...leading them in the direction of being grateful for the life God has blessed them with. At the end of the day, our greatest tragedies don't out weigh our gift of life we still have to live and share with others. God only hands us what we can handle.
What is your "mommy-tude" around your children? Do you fly off the handle at something little (we all do it from time to time) or do you let it roll? When you've had a crummy day at work, do you leave it at work or bring it home? When you are upset do you lash out or find a calmer way to resolve the situation? We can't be happy all of the time. Life isn't perfect. We are destined to have a million ups and downs but the most important thing is how our children are seeing us handle the difficult steep hills and how we climb out of the valley ready to climb up the next hill. Our mommy-tudes are powerful and our perspective on life events are shaping how our children will react to future life events....lets do our children a favor and work really hard at passing on a positive impact on their emotional health. (Gosh our job as mom is hard!!!)
I hope you've had an awesome weekend!! If you're on Spring break, I hope you're enjoying it!! If you're soon to be on Spring break I hope it will be relaxing to some extent...and if Spring break means nothing to you at this point in your parenting life-I hope you are enjoying the longer brighter days!
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