{SHHH! I'm Alone!}

Iam having a moment...to MYSELF.  Everyone in our household has gone to bed-including the dog. Time actually alone and I'm awake. Usually by now I'm asleep on the couch...my husband has documented these moments on my own camera for me to see. Why tonight is different from all other nights? I don't know. But I'm taking it for me.

 I'm currently in the process of undoing the hard work I put in at 5am this morning by eating some cake I had frozen in the fridge (that shows restraint right?) and watching a movie curled up on the couch.  This  RARE moment in time the house is picked up, the counters are cleaned, lunches are packed, clothes are laid out for the kids, and my type a personality is able to actually relax and breathe. Ahh it feels good. 

Did you get to enjoy the beautiful weather today? I booked it out of work today, picked up the kids, raced home to feed the dog and change so we could get outside and play. There is something about getting outside that is so refreshing and rejuvenating after working all day.  Watching the twins play on the playground and observing the new things they can do now that they are older made me smile but at the same time I could still see them as those wobbly uncoordinated two-year-olds. 

It's hard being a mom everyday and enjoying and living in every moment-lets be honest it's nearly impossible.  Our to-do-lists are looonnnnggg. Our schedules are tight. Our laundry is piled high. This is only a slight scratch in the surface of things we do and have going on around us in our mommy lives.  Add catching up with friends and making time for family and......well....you could say I'm running behind on many of those things.  But it's because I've chosen as a mom to let go a little and focus on these very few days (in the grand scheme of things) of discovery and wonder my children are experiencing. 

Last year I was a mommy mess. Stressed..hyper focused on E-V-E-R-Y detail of my life, my children, and my hubands...and I was left feeling far from perfect as a mom. Failure is not a word I like and it is certainly something I will ever choose to be. That is when I decided something had to change or I was going to self-destruct. Fessing up to myself that there is no way I could be the most perfect teacher, mom, wife, sister, daughter, and friend made being me a little more enjoyable. 

Did I lower my standards? God no-I've not lost my type a mind! But did I raise the bar higher every time for every single thing? No. I've learned to delegate, be assertive, and prioritize to a T. I have to say I have become more efficient and more productive with my time so I can be more present mentally for my children. 

I've also found I can't be everything to everyone. I would need a solid days worth of time to contact those I've lost touch with just to  say hi. I have lunch dates and play dates I have yet to schedule....um like two years behind. I have friendships at church that will one day need to be rekindled, and I have friends whom I struggle to make connections with anymore. 

Relationships are hard. But the one thing I haven't mentioned is our husbands/partnership? Where do they fit in in our busy mommy lives? What time are they given? I don't know about you, but my husband, Aaron, is not only my partner in crime and love of my life, but he is my right hand. He keeps me sane, builds me up when I'm down, and keeps our family afloat when I just. Can't. Do.it. Anymore. 

So, by changing my expectations to reasonable ones and my goals to obtainable ones, I'm able to really enjoy my children and I have to say being a little more laid back makes children a lot more fun and being a mom the best job ever-on any given day! 


While I've been able to relax tonight I have to say it feels a little uncomfortable. The silence is somewhat deafening and in a way uncomfortable.  These few minutes to recharge are what helps me appreciate everything I have and motivation to face a new day.



xoxox