{Surprisingly Blue}

I woke up this morning to a little man standing at the side of my bed. Half asleep I pulled him up, kissed him and made him comfy in my spot since it was time for me to get out of bed anyways. I shuffled into the bathroom getting ready for a shower and as I stood in front of the sink brushing my teeth I looked up  and my sleepy eyes came into focus. I looked at myself and in a bit of shock with my tooth brush hanging out the side of my mouth I said, "huh?"

After five weeks on my new weight lifting journey (thanks Linds!) I noticed my tummy was not what it had been when I first started. A wave of emotions swept over me and I never thought in a million years I would be first surpried and second disappointed and sadden by what I saw in the mirror. 

Before kids my tummy was trim. It was the one part of my curvey body that never really gained any weight. After twins, well, as you can imagine my tummy was a lot different after Landen and Caroline were born. My hips are covered in long shiny stretch marks and I've carried the mom pooch under my belly button for almost three years. I invested in the cute tankkinis for the beach and less form fitting  shirts to flatter my new shape. 

I have been so happy with becoming a mom and accepting the life changes and physical changes my body has gone through. But this morning brought about unexpected saddness. I got teary eyed, and still do, because the last reminder of a challenging and amazing pregnancy is almost erased. Maybe I am absolutely crazy and WAY too sentimental, but seeing a tummy that was not reflective of having carried my babies has really left me feeling a little blue. 

Who would have thought being a little more fit would land me wishing I could hang on to something I thought I was ready to get rid of...

Feeling puzzled....

xoxoxo

{MOMMY MOMENTS:Failing Happens}

No matter how much I organize, plan, and lay things out for the next day, something is ALWAYS forgotten. 

Today was one of those mommy fail mornings. I got stuck in traffic and as soon as I got on the interstate I heard a ding. Ugh. Gas. Yea. I totally forgot. I've done this before and know I have a reasonable amount of time to make it to the gas station and based on my fill up, we made it to the gas station on fumes.  

None the less we made it and for that I was thankful. The wind was cold so I hopped back in the van. I looked back and Landen and Caroline shivering and said, "boy is it cold out!" Then it hit me. All of the sudden I thought about what I had put in the back end of the van. No coats. I got a sinking feeling in my stomach. I was THAT parent AGAIN! Who sends their kid to school without a coat? Me of course! Why can't I get it together two days a week? I honestly don't know! If you have suggestions on how to keep my head from spinning at 6:30 in the morning, I'll listen. 

We unfortunately were already thirty minutes away from the house so there was no going back to get their coats.... Especially in today's traffic. I called Aaron and he was able to keep me from to do the walk of shame down the hallway and kept me from rummaging through the lost and found..hmmm...maybe I'd find my mind there....

In efforts to redeem myself from this morning, I took the kids to the park after school. I stopped for a coffee in hopes it would give me some much needed energy. Two-year-olds at this age are still nerve racking at the park-especially when one is a total dare devil and there is only one of you to watch them.  Now I have to admit something, while I'm very social, I prefer a park with very few to no people especially at the end of the day.  I have had some weird experiences at the park, mostly with adults that I just prefer to avoid.

So driving to the park, I slowed down to see if it was packed. It was so I told the kids we would go to a different one. I drove by a second park and as we drove by I see an older kid throwing things at the slide....I kept driving for obvious reasons. With two more parks left, we drove past another-it had gravel...no thanks. We arrived to our last park and I decided to stay. We unloaded and the kids took off.  They played on their own and I was polite and said hello to the other adults.

Caroline decided to do what I call Peter Panning on the swing where she lays on her belly and swings-not fast or anything. She has never fallen off because she mostly just lays there and then finds something better to do....As Caroline was "flying" I quickly found unwanted (I'll explain..) company standing in front of me. Two older adults standing in my personal space with a little girl who looked to be their granddaughter. They literally were standing there staring at us. Then the comments of how Caroline was swinging was unsafe and that she could flip over-thanks for speaking that over her!  

As I looked up away from Caroline to acknowledge their presence guess what happened in those two seconds? She flipped...I scooped her up, shook the mulch out of her hair while they continued with more comments, which I am sure you can imagine what they were saying, all while still standing in our personal play space. It took everything I had to not just load up the kids and leave but we had just gotten there.

 At this point Caroline has already wiggled her way out of my arms because she wanted to play and headed up to the slides. They both took off and our new found friends (insert sarcasm) continued to follow us around the playground. If we were on one part of the equipment they followed, if Landen went down the slides it was "go do what he's doing." It was uncomfortable for me. 

I wanted to have a mommy 'moment.' Do you have those meltdown/breakdown moments? Tell me I'm not alone!! I even pictured myself in my mommy moment firmly telling these people to leave us alone....but I bottled it up and gave my kids their five minute warning-because honestly that's as long as I thought I could hold it together.   Something about the whole situation was awkward and I was so happy to politely say goodbye and get the H out of there! I often have a difficult time with adults at the park...do you?  

So what I hoped would be an afternoon of redemption was absolutely NOT..tomorrow is a new day...that's really all I can say for myself! 

Xoxoxo 

{SHHH! I'm Alone!}

Iam having a moment...to MYSELF.  Everyone in our household has gone to bed-including the dog. Time actually alone and I'm awake. Usually by now I'm asleep on the couch...my husband has documented these moments on my own camera for me to see. Why tonight is different from all other nights? I don't know. But I'm taking it for me.

 I'm currently in the process of undoing the hard work I put in at 5am this morning by eating some cake I had frozen in the fridge (that shows restraint right?) and watching a movie curled up on the couch.  This  RARE moment in time the house is picked up, the counters are cleaned, lunches are packed, clothes are laid out for the kids, and my type a personality is able to actually relax and breathe. Ahh it feels good. 

Did you get to enjoy the beautiful weather today? I booked it out of work today, picked up the kids, raced home to feed the dog and change so we could get outside and play. There is something about getting outside that is so refreshing and rejuvenating after working all day.  Watching the twins play on the playground and observing the new things they can do now that they are older made me smile but at the same time I could still see them as those wobbly uncoordinated two-year-olds. 

It's hard being a mom everyday and enjoying and living in every moment-lets be honest it's nearly impossible.  Our to-do-lists are looonnnnggg. Our schedules are tight. Our laundry is piled high. This is only a slight scratch in the surface of things we do and have going on around us in our mommy lives.  Add catching up with friends and making time for family and......well....you could say I'm running behind on many of those things.  But it's because I've chosen as a mom to let go a little and focus on these very few days (in the grand scheme of things) of discovery and wonder my children are experiencing. 

Last year I was a mommy mess. Stressed..hyper focused on E-V-E-R-Y detail of my life, my children, and my hubands...and I was left feeling far from perfect as a mom. Failure is not a word I like and it is certainly something I will ever choose to be. That is when I decided something had to change or I was going to self-destruct. Fessing up to myself that there is no way I could be the most perfect teacher, mom, wife, sister, daughter, and friend made being me a little more enjoyable. 

Did I lower my standards? God no-I've not lost my type a mind! But did I raise the bar higher every time for every single thing? No. I've learned to delegate, be assertive, and prioritize to a T. I have to say I have become more efficient and more productive with my time so I can be more present mentally for my children. 

I've also found I can't be everything to everyone. I would need a solid days worth of time to contact those I've lost touch with just to  say hi. I have lunch dates and play dates I have yet to schedule....um like two years behind. I have friendships at church that will one day need to be rekindled, and I have friends whom I struggle to make connections with anymore. 

Relationships are hard. But the one thing I haven't mentioned is our husbands/partnership? Where do they fit in in our busy mommy lives? What time are they given? I don't know about you, but my husband, Aaron, is not only my partner in crime and love of my life, but he is my right hand. He keeps me sane, builds me up when I'm down, and keeps our family afloat when I just. Can't. Do.it. Anymore. 

So, by changing my expectations to reasonable ones and my goals to obtainable ones, I'm able to really enjoy my children and I have to say being a little more laid back makes children a lot more fun and being a mom the best job ever-on any given day! 


While I've been able to relax tonight I have to say it feels a little uncomfortable. The silence is somewhat deafening and in a way uncomfortable.  These few minutes to recharge are what helps me appreciate everything I have and motivation to face a new day.



xoxox

{Pleading With Two-Year-Old Twins}

Ever since I found out I was pregnant with twins, I have found myself to be in many awkward situations. I've been asked intrusive questions by strangers, inappropriate comments made about being pregnant with twins, and then of course the messy awkward public scenes once they were born. But now, I can add something new to the list. Awkward moments in the bathroom with twins. 

Last weekend we ventured out for dinner-now that they can sit for a good forty-five minutes to an hour. Right at an hour, Landen  and Caroline became antsy. With Caroline being a recently potty trained, I asked her if she needed to go potty. Agreeing to go, Landen said "me too!" 

I hate public bathrooms and taking two-year-old twins into that germ infested 5x10 room is a real challenge for me.This is one of those moments I had to "be brave."

After watching Landen and Caroline dodge waiters and waitresses on their way to the bathroom we finally made it to the restrooms-geeze a short distance has never felt so long. The kids followed me into the bathroom and into the largest stall. I instructed them in my firm mommy voice not to touch anything-I know that was a stretch. While Caroline did her business I kept an eye on Landen. While we were all in the stall and they were behaving I decided I should go too. 

Worst idea ever. 

In the short amount of time I needed, they both hit the floor looking under the door and stall next to us-yuuuccckkkk! I let out a somewhat quiet shrill, they popped up off the floor. I told them they were going to really have to wash their hands. That was apparently a mistake because Caroline went straight to the lock on the door.  I pleaded for her not to open the door while Landen is simultaneously standing behind me flushing the toilet. Um, yea I wasn't finished..but whatever...Lets just say I have vowed to use the restroom alone-unless I'm desperate. 

Boy do kids know how to keep us on our toes..and give us mini panic attacks! There's another grey hair!

{Time Change: A Mothers Despise}

Landen: "Mommy...Mommy, I need my diaper changed"
Me: "okay buddy just give me  minute."
Landen: "Mommy, my shirt is wet."
Me:(thinking.."ugh why is his shirt wet?") "Just take it off buddy."
Landen: (he's taken his clothes off and in his diaper. I get a clean diaper tossed in my face) "Mommy I NEED my diaper changed, please!"


Okay so how many mama's were up "early" today because of the time change? Like you, I woke up feeling  the pain of the time change.  I was annoyed when looking at the clock because I was already an hour behind what I usually am.  After changing Landen's diaper, we quietly headed downstairs careful not to disturb the rest who were lucky enough to be sleeping.

As Landen and I made our way into the kitchen, Riley, our dog, was eagerly waiting for me to feed him-as I was an hour late. I slowly spun around to the kitchen to fill  Riley's bowl with water and I was greeted by a mountain of dishes in my kitchen sink that trailed down the curve of the countertop was pointed out to me by my Landen. "Messy mommy!"  I looked Landen with glazed eyes, hit the coffee machine button, and fed the dog. Where are those fairy godmothers at 7:00, no I'm sorry, 8:00 in the morning? 

As I drank my coffee, I started thinking about how it's now going to be lighter later. How exciting is that?! Spring is coming which means warmer weather and more time outside! After a family fun day yesterday, I am now thinking we're going to head to the zoo this afternoon. What are you going to do with such a beautiful day? 

Isn't it amazing how the weather has an effect on our motivation and mood? As much as I love snuggling down in the winter and hibernating for awhile, I have to say I'm really excited to be back outside having fun with my husband, Landen, and Caroline. So what are you going to do today?  Me, I'm  going to hurry and tackle that mountain of dishes and laundry so we can get outside to play!  I'm hoping some fresh air will help start this week off on the right!

Wishing you a day of happiness!!

{New Adventures}

Adventures are fun, don't you think?  Motherhood is certainly an on going adventure for me and I have to say It has given me experience to use in new endeavors. 

I'm currently working on a book which will be eventually available on mommyon.org. Blogging has been such a great avenue for me as a mom and it's also a passion I want to share with other mommies. I look forward to sharing it with you when it's complete! 

Has your child(ren) empowered you to do anything you wouldn't have done before?   I see my children living every day to the fullest and I can't help but want the same in my life. I've decided to trust my crazy ideas and go out on a limb on trying new things. The worst that can happen is I fail. But at least I can say I tried! 

Just because your a mom doesn't mean you have to let go of your crazy ideas or hopes and dreams. Use this time in your life to be inspired. Dream a little bit and let your family be apart of your new adventures!

{Do I Dare: Follow-Up}

Winter is not over in Ohio. The next round of winter storms are getting ready to roll in and I am fortunate enough to have the afternoon at home with Landen and Caroline.  I love this "bonus" time home but I have to say what I do with my time is always a debate-with myself. 

Knowing Landen and Caroline have to go down for a nap means I have roughly two hours to myself. I began prioritizing on the way home. I did a quick sweep of items strewn around the house, got the kids in bed, washed out the hair color from spirit day, and then wrestled with the idea of cleaning, napping, or blogging. Do you ever do this? I always try and talk myself out of the mundane things that are always going to be there and enjoy my time doing something I love. Then I actually feel like I had some time for me. If you aren't putting yourself first every once and a while, you NEED to do yourself, and your family, a favor! You will be a better mom for it!

Three weeks ago I made a post titled, " Do I Dare." I mentioned how my friend inspired and motivated me to clean up our basement and set up our workout equipment so I could actually use it. Now, I'll be the first to say finding time in our busy mommy lives is NOT easy. Sometimes we are so busy with work, family, school, and other obligations that we are emotionally, mentally, and physically SPENT.  I've been there and there is no doubt in my mind that I will be feeling those things again in the future. But for now, I have a sense of order in my life that has helped me find time, energy, and strength to become a physically better version of me.

I've always wanted to be a healthy active mom even though I have always thought of exercising (I HATE that word!) as a chore. Since the twins were born, I have wanted Landen and Caroline to grow up around healthy foods and see my husband and I taking care of ourselves through being active and exercising. I decided when Landen and Caroline were infants that I was going to take advantage of the nice weather and walking paths in our neighborhood and walk. But then the  issue with walking  became time. They needed to either eat or sleep and you know I didn't want them falling asleep in the stroller and not in their bed!  So I picked up running-something I said I WOULD NOT EVER do. I have been running ever since. Wanting my children to grow up around healthy choices changed my mindset. My motivation in doing the things I once HATED is partially for me but mostly for Landen and Caroline.

This year has a lot of fun and exciting things coming up and it's motivating to want to be the best version of me. I've eased in to motherhood, I'm finding hobbies, and now it's time to take back my body-as much as I can. Is it because I hate my body, stretch marks, or love handles-No.  It has nothing to do with my physical image anymore and it has everything to do with strength. Becoming a mom has actually made me MORE accepting  of my body which is one of the BEST gifts my children have given me. But I have to say, the bigger they get, the more difficult it is to swing them around and play. I want the endurance to keep up with them this summer at the play grounds and beach. It has NOTHING to do with me and EVERYTHING to do with them.

Are 4:30 wake-up calls fun...honestly it's not bad. Today I was tired but I  drug myself out of bed. The first two weeks were easy and this week has been more of a challenge due to a little boy in our house who has been getting up. But the days that I know I need a break I take them. I know if I do too much I'll burn out and quit altogether. At this point I really don't want anything to cause me to  quit. Feeling good about myself, seeing the scale go down, and my body feel stronger is really helping me be a better mom.

What small change could you make that will help you become healthier. Are you mentally or emotionally exhausted and need an outlet to help you get a much needed break?  If you are resistant, like I usually am, to picking up exercising because that will overwhelm you with everything else going on, take some time to do something fun by yourself or with a friend. Start taking breaks so you can take on each day feeling more fulfilled and eventually, you may want to take a half hour a day or more to strengthen your body physically.

No matter what, take time for YOURSELF. We are busy, but can we really enjoy each and every day with our family and friends if we are always burned out? I'd love to hear what you do for yourself or what you're going to start doing!!